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| OMG ~~! Misss my xanga baby !!!
Suddenly it got shut down ><~!! seems like the end of the world for me >.<~!!
I am soo glad that it's back ^^~! *tho I started another xanga -.-"
I am starting to like my new xanga tho.... >.<~~
maybe I should link both together ~~
~~ Anyways
here is my new xanga
www.xanga.com/dependentphobic
Thanks xanga ppl for giving my xanga back ~~ *kiss*
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| Really don't have mood to do my reserach paper anymore !!! ...... So much in depth issues related to it ~~ -.-" Want to die ~!! Kill me please ~
Simple... yet complicated..... like me.
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Anyways ~~ Had nth to do .....
Went through all the picture folders in my computer...
Deleted a lot of pics I should of deleted long time ago~~
I guess it's a good thing....
It's a good thing that I can finally look at those pics without crying and still able to delete it...
But I know really well that even tho I deleted those pics.... memories can't be erase
Then I thought of that song Ar Sa sent me "Always on your side"...
Perhaps now ..... that's whats left of me.... Nth more... nth less
Looking upon the sky and quietly send out my blessings
I am thankful to God for hearing my prayers.....
Let my past be past
Let my future be ur future
I am proud of what you've shaped me into....
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| Haven't update for a while ~~ Busy with papers and all~~ ....
Sa sent me this song...
~~Just want to post this song~~~Nice song~ "Always on your side"
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
When this isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side. | | |
| So continue with my updates.
Life has been quite dramatic lately.
With all the ups and downs, I am finidng myself going insane and somewhat depress.
One day my path seems so clear and obvious….
but next day it confuses me with all the contradictions and ironies.
My faiths, my believes, and my values…
Struggling through the phase like a kid who hasn’t grown enough to reach for the cookie jar.
Starring at the cookie jar, hopping someone grown enough could lend him a hand.
Just one hand… one hand is enough...the kid thought.
The kid starred at the jar. His mind was completely blank.
Seeing all the “gown ups” pasting by the cookie jar, he wonders why none of them lend him a hand.
All they did was giving him veggies and other so call “goodies” to eat, but none of which was what he wants.
Stuck in the baby seat at the table, the kid pondered….
I’ve behaved well enough today to deserve a cookie, why didn’t the grown up give me a cookie? …
It finally appears to the kid that there’s no such thing as “well enough” or “deserving”.
Everyone has their own view and perspective and is bias in many ways.
We can’t control how people think about us.
All we can do is try to grow enough so that u don’t have to depend on other’s helping hand.
By then, when we’ve grown enough to help…
We should be thankful that we are fortunate enough to have the power to help others.
I am having trouble defining my position as a Christian.
It seems to me that everything has double standard.
Seeing people trying to keep their values and believes in one hand but on the other hand contradict their values and believes with their actions.
Putting on different mask at different events.
Being are more critical to others than to themselves.
I guess it doesn’t matter what religion they are in, that’s just a fact of the human nature.
I remember I had a conversation with this strong Christian friend the other day, listening to all those problems he came across being a Christian from the beginning to now.
He told me that the most selfish people in the world are all those who are actively involve with the church.
Trying to do “good deeds” to cover their sin because they have sinned too much.
By depending their guilt on some believes, they can pretend nothing happened.
Even though this sounds really harsh but I must admit he does have his point there.
Another friend of mine said, problems didn’t arise from the religion itself, problems arise from human. …. I always wonder… how can a simple private relationship with God be so complicated…
Do people believe in something because that’s what others believe?
Or do they believe in something because they truly believe...
But if they truly believe in it then why would they care so much about how others think?
Anyways ~~~
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Had a good day today~~ Busy ~~ but not too busy ~~
Talked to this funnie lady for like 30mins ~~~ It was a nice chat ~~
She was telling me stuff about why it's bad to get marry with a way older or way younger guys ~~ haaaa She is funnie ~~~
Her husband asked me " OH are u married?"
I was like "Oh NO ~ Thank God !!"
Then the lady laugh.... then we both laugh with a *wink* ha ha ~~
Another thing to be happy about is that ... that ben moss guy didn't come bug me today ~~ wa ha ha ~~
Maybe........ He got fired ? wa ha ha <--- i am so mean ~~
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| As I was stranded at work for the full 11 hrs today ~~~
I continued with my Boy Meets Girl book ~
I read this part about communication.....
Reminds me of what my friend told me yesterday.... "I don't listen"....
"God gave people two ears and one mouth because
he wants us to listen twice as much as we talk" (Harris 94)
Yes he is right~~ I need to learn to listen twice as much and talk less......
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Also have more to share ~~ but I am really tired .... so I will continue tomorrow ~~ 
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